a dialogue by Noel Wotherspoon

(Deck 9 of the spaceship US Orian on course to the recently discovered 10th planet of the solar system. The mission of this craft is to make contact with and study the life forms also discovered on this new planet. EPRIAM, a scientist, and JANA, a philosopher, stand arguing.)

EPRIAM
No, listen to me. It’s not going to work. The laws of physics weight too heavily against it.

JANA
Oh ye of little faith.

EPRIAM
Faith has nothing to do with it. This is proven by thousands of scientists. Why don’t you see that? It just does not work…Jana, I’m not going to argue with you.

JANA
It seems as though you are the one arguing Epriam.

EPRIAM
I’m just making my point.

JANA
I’m sorry but that point is arrogant and faithless.

EPRIAM
I don’t need faith when I have science.

JANA
Do you ever think that maybe science can’t prove everything?

EPRIAM
No, I don’t think that. Sooner or later we’ll find out every reason why.

JANA
Do you exist?

EPRIAM
Don’t start.

JANA
Answer the question.

EPRIAM
No. I’m not getting into any more of you and your wacky philosophy with millions of unanswerable questions.

JANA
Just one question and I’ll stop, I promise.

EPRIAM
Yes. I exist. I’m not going to question it, I’m not going to talk my existence to death. I’m not going to entertain the thought that were really just brains in vats of pink goo. You exist, I exist, and this ship that we’re on exists. Space that we are traveling through exists.

JANA
My foot exists.

EPRIAM
Exact—ouch! That hurt.

JANA
Good.

EPRIAM
I’m sorry for disagreeing with you, but did it really warrant that kick?

JANA
I shouldn’t have kicked you, I’m sorry. You can disagree all you want but have an open mind. Don’t you ever question, everything?

EPRIAM
Sure I do. That’s why I became a physicist, that’s why I’m here.

JANA
But why this ship, why this mission? If you didn’t feel some sort of draw to the unknown.

EPRIAM
Fair enough.

JANA
Isn’t everything in science an unknown at some point?

EPRIAM
Yes.

JANA
A question begging to be answered or pondered at the least?

EPRIAM
I’m never going to win against you am I?

JANA
I’m just trying to show you how we’re not that different. We think about the same things just in a different way.

EPRIAM
Point taken. I took this mission to be involved in the research of this new species to learn how they work and see if that’s similar to how we work.

JANA
So, how they work not how they think?

EPRIAM
Exactly.

JANA
Geek.

EPRIAM
Hey, why are you here?

JANA
Five million questions and I want to be the one asking them.

MONICA
Hi, friends. Hate to break the tension but—

JANA
What do you need Monica?

EPRIAM
Yes, Captain?

MONICA
Epriam we need you to come to bridge please, and don’t call me Captain all the time.

EPRIAM
Sir then.

MONICA
Don’t sass me, you punk. Just get to the bridge.

EPRIAM
Sorry Monica.

MONICA
Sure you are.

JANA
I don’t get you two.

MONICA
Not everything in the world has to be understood. That’s your M.O. isn’t it?

JANA
In a way. I’m a philosopher not a psychologist.

MONICA
But, you want to figure him out.

JANA
Maybe. Why is it you and he never…

MONICA
Why didn’t I date him?

JANA
Well, yeah.

MONICA
Oh little sister. He and I just…We argue. We’re always in some spat.

JANA
So are we.

MONICA
It’s different with you two though. He and I understand each other and know how to push each other’s buttons. It’s what makes us close. But you make him mad because he can’t understand you.

JANA
I see.

MONICA
Doesn’t he make you mad?

JANA
Frustrated, but fascinated. I can see how it would be upsetting though. I’ll leave him alone for awhile.

MONICA
I don’t think he’s going to let you do that.

JANA
Why not?

MONICA
He likes you.

JANA
What do you mean, did he tell you that?

MONICA
He didn’t. I just know, and I know that you like him too.

JANA
You better not say anything.

MONICA
I swear.

JANA
Just get back to your fancy chair, Captain.

MONICA
Maybe now is not a good time to mention that I’m putting you two on the same team.

JANA
Go!


EPRIAM
Hey, can I talk to you.

JANA
Oh course.

EPRIAM
I have a question for you.

JANA
Yes?

EPRIAM
A philosophical question.

JANA
Oh really? Mr. Science Pants would like to ask me a philosophy question.

EPRIAM
I know I know. Is that okay?

JANA
It’s great, I just…Didn’t think you’d ask that. What would you like to talk about?

EPRIAM
Do you think that certain things are meant to happen? That there’s only one outcome and that’s just the way it is.

JANA
There are such theories and ideas. There’s causal determinism—

EPRIAM
No, I want to know what you think.

JANA
What I think?

EPRIAM
Yeah. What do you believe in?

JANA
I think that things happen for a reason. As to if that reason is the only reason for them to happen and it was predetermined by every action before it, that there’s only one way, one choice that we cannot truly pick…No, I don’t believe that’s all there is.

EPRIAM
Then why bother asking the question?

JANA
I think it’s fascinating.

EPRIAM
I think you’re crazy.

JANA
I know you do. But, your brain works in science, mine never really could. I need the abstract.

EPRIAM
So, if things happen for a reason is there some power behind that?

JANA
Of course.

EPRIAM
You believe in God then too?

JANA
I believe in something. Something that created this all and wants it to work. They know it will work, and they know what we’ll do, but we pick.

EPRIAM
We have free will.

JANA
Yes. I’m not really the one to talk to about religion you know.

EPRIAM
Right. I didn’t intend for this conversation to lean this way.

JANA
Maybe you did. Perhaps if was predetermined.